Category Archives: marriage mondays

Marriage Monday

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis


I missed the last marriage monday!  So I didn’t want to miss this months MM!   This month is an open topic about marriage, so I’ll share a little about what’s on my heart lately.

Having a healthy Christian marriage is no easy task.

Being married isn’t easy on the best of days.  There is always someone else you have to look out for — throw in a few children, some rowdy extra family members and few pets and you’ve got basic marriage.  But how do we do it well, and how do you do it as a Christian?

Well, first and for most is having Christ in your marriage.  Taking your issues big and small to HIM.  Teaching your children to pray, and praying together as a couple and as family are so important.

Right now my goals in our marriage is working on goals.  (isn’t that a paradox? lol) Since Mr. C and I moved out here last year, it’s been a year of change.  Mr. C is back in his home territory (next to his parents) while I’m out of my element learning to be a farm girl.

Mr. C and I are alike in a lot of ways, but we are almost polar opposites in some things.  He’s consistent – I’m sporadic.  He’s blond – I’m a brunette.  When he’s quiet I’m outgoing, and when I’m outgoing, he’s quiet.. I think we complement each other for the most part; but we do butt heads a lot while trying to work on things. We are working on trying to figure out our goals.. more for me because being a mother I sometimes feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.

As you might have read in my review above I touched briefly on my heart for the Ukraine/Russia.  I really feel like we – as a family are suppose to do something with that.  We struggle with where God wants to use us regarding it.  If ministry – on a large scale is something our family needs to be involved in, or are we suppose to focus on just being us… while we are growing little people into productive and hopefully children of Christ (which is a ministry of it’s own, just on a different scale).  I also wonder if my photography is part of that dream/goal, or if it should just be left as a hobby.

I guess I know God knows the big picture.  He knows were he wants us.  Some days I know I don’t listen as well as I should.  And sometimes when we slack off in our marriage and don’t work towards God’s goals instead of just trying to get by, we don’t feel very much like loving each other well.  It’s easy to say “I love you” to each other, but our actions don’t always say it.  If we’re not following what Christ has designed for our marriage (even if we don’t like it somedays) we don’t work well -function properly.  There are many times when we could have walked out on each other, but we haven’t for one reason.  We are committed to Christ and his design for us in our marriage.

I hope that you are committed to Christ and his design for your marriage as well.  I pray that God will bless your marriage and that you will invite him into it fully and acknowledge that He is in control of it.  No matter how much each of us differs from our spouses, God has a plan and design for us in our marriage, and he wants it to thrive!

Marriage Monday ~”The Crazy Way We Met.”

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis
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“The Crazy Way We Met.”

Our eyes met across the room.. they looked up and down, and checked each other out… from then on it was love at first sight….

well, okay, that isn’t exactly how we first met… let me see if I can remember!

It was 1993.  I was in high school — seventeen to be exact.   I did a lot of work for my church at that time and worked with a group of other youth.  We had bonded and become great friends… so we often did things together.  My friend Lauria and I were suppose to go to the University campus together to watch the new “Jesus” video that had been released.  She backed out last minute and I really didn’t want to go, but there was a cute guy I knew going (he was the one who invited us)– so I decided last minute to go anyhow.  My mom –yes, my mother dropped me off at his dorm room (hey it was a church friend… ) and we met a group of other people.  He introduced me to a group of his friends (one of which was Mr. C-unbeknown to me), and we went to go watch the movie.

Well, the movie started, but the reel kept breaking, so they took a break.  My friend, Kim (guy) got up to go and talk to some of his other friends, and his friend “Craig” came and sat down beside me.  We started talking, and the movie went back on.  We kept cracking jokes, because the movie didn’t work well, but he stayed beside me the rest of the movie, and ended up driving me home (I know, I know .. taking rides from strange men home… hey it was the 90’s.. and it was a friends friend.. church thing.. I thought it was safe!… didn’t think it would change my life!).  He met my mom; we watched “The Sound of Music” til 3am and than he went home.  I didn’t actually think I’d ever see him again, until he showed up at my door 3 days later because he lost my phone number.

I thought his name was Craig for the first 2 months we saw each other (he never corrected me, or never heard me say his name, I”m not sure lol)… until I went to his work and asked for him, and found out it was GREG!!! (boy was my face red! lol)

Needless to say, we got married almost 2 years later!

We’ve had an interesting marriage.  Ups and downs.  But I think that’s how God has taught us to grow.  If we wouldn’t have changed and experienced life the way we have we wouldn’t have our wonderful family today.  I am blessed that we have been able to work through life together and I am excited to see what God has in store for us for the rest of our lives… never a dull moment!

A funny part about our wedding/buying a house was every house we looked at had a Bible verse on the wall somewhere in the house that said

Matthew 19:5,6

‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

How funny is that?

Anyhow, some thing to giggle at:

Our wedding picture. It was 2 weeks after my 19th birthday, he was 22.

Here we are at a marriage retreat; I was pregnant with Miss H.

Here we are at my brother’s wedding (unknowingly pregnant with Master P)

And here we are on my birthday… 32nd… *gulp*

a little heavier, but happy as can be with my life full of God’s blessings, and still married to the smart, happy, sweet man of my dreams.

We definitely aren’t the same kids that we were those many years ago when we got married, but Thank God for that!  Marriage has never been easy, but I think taking the time to laugh at the funny things, and learn from our mistakes makes us stronger and better suited for each other. I think he -God let us marry young and stupid, so we would still love each other so many years from than.. Hard to believe so much has changed, and yet I know I love my husband more today, than the lustful way I loved him when we first got married (he had a cute bum.. what can I say?!).

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Marriage Mondays – “Marriage: For Happiness or Holiness?”

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis

“Marriage: For Happiness or Holiness?”

I was trying to decide on how to start this. When I got married for the first time I married for happiness. I married my husband because I thought he would save me, take away all the trouble in my life, make me a better person, help me live a happier life.

When I re-married the SAME man for our 10 year anniversary (we had a little private get together with close friends). I did it for holiness. We choose to stay married and we wanted to show others that we were committed to God, and his desire of holiness in our marriage. I can say with confidence I love him more today because of it. He is more handsome, and more loving than I can remember, and I am thrilled to be his wife.

You see happiness is insatiable. We couldn’t thrive on trying to be happy. We almost ended in divorce the first 8 years of marriage because we could fill the happiness void in our life. We craved so many things that were not of God. It took a long time for us to realize that we were going down the wrong road… and yet God still showed us that we could live differently. The difference in our marriage now is God.. not that God has changed, but we’ve surrendered to having a holy marriage with God involved fully and actively in our marriage.

Now, some people might say… what do you mean; there is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. It took me a long time to understand the difference between happiness and being joyful.

Happiness – Good luck; good fortune; prosperity.

Joy – To rejoice; to be glad; to delight; to exult.

Okay, so the first thing I want to say is I don’t care about happiness anymore. It’s a worldly term in a lot of ways. We think “things” can make us happy. I want to be JOYFUL. I want my heart to rejoice and be glad and delight. I don’t want the emptiness of being happy as it is fleeting; it’s an unstable thing. It can be here for a moment (you got something — oh i’m happy!) as opposed to being joyful where it’s something within your heart. The terms are often switched, but they really are different things.

So, please don’t misunderstand; I don’t think happiness is a bad thing, – I like being happy! I just don’t want my marriage depending on one thing after another to satisfy my heart and needs.

Now onto holiness.

Holiness – The state or quality of being holy; perfect moral integrity or purity; freedom from sin; sanctity; innocence.

We need to keep our marriage holy before God. We need to keep it sacred before God. If we don’t, we will find it a struggle to say the least.

I thought about posting all the verses I could find that relate to marriage in the Bible, but honestly I believe if you read the Bible together and practice biblical living — together, you have a wonderful combination of a healthy and godly marriage!

If you look in the Bible, happy only appears 21 times, but joy appears 241, and even more so, holy appears 500 times. If God mentions holy so much, I’m guessing it’s a pretty important word, and something I need to learn more about.

Do I have it all figured out? No. I’m a work in progress.

Dear Lord,

You are the Creator of marriage. Your desire for us to have a holy and sacred marriage before is what I desire. Help me to remember this when I struggle with our life. I know you care for us. Thank-you for giving me my spouse.

Amen.

(definitions from dictionary.com)

Marriage Monday – “Is Divorce Ever Right?”

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis
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Marriage Monday is here again, and the question posed for us today is:

“Is Divorce Ever Right?” Here’s an opportunity to share your wisdom, Scriptural knowledge, experience, quotes, or any other insights you might have. Please feel free to approach this vital subject from any angle you feel led.

There is a simple answer. NO.

My experience with divorce… let’s see. My grandparent’s were divorced – he was an alcoholic, left her with 6 children, and eventually he committed suicide. My parents are divorced — 3 months after I married my sweetheart (Christmas eve to be exact) they announced that they were getting divorced.. And myself.. though not divorced, we’ve walked too close down that road (b/c of our own choosing), and have come to the discovery that

1. God does not want divorce to be an option.

2. Divorce is not in my vocabulary any longer.

3. Divorce is preventable. It is hard work, but you have to CHOOSE to be married. There are ways out of a lot of things, but they are not always God’s choosing, they are our own.

4. God can heal a broken a broken marriage. I am living proof of this. If he wasn’t the healer of broken hearts and so merciful and gracious to me, I would not be married today.

Now, I know some people are rolling their eyes thinking, what about infidelity, what about abuse, etc. Those things happen. We live in a broken world. Staying married, doesn’t mean putting yourself in dangerous situations; it’s about honoring a commitment you’ve made to your spouse and more importantly to God. If you didn’t get married with God in your marriage, you are going to struggle a lot more with this – but than God wasn’t there from the start. I’m not saying that to be mean; it’s a fact. If you start off marriage with God and Choose to live marriage as he commands

** let me add here, my post for some reason is missing the rest of it. I have been having bad connection today and for some reason it’s 4pm and everything I posted earlier is gone, except the orginal unedited. I feel bad b/c some have read it already it.

To sum it up b/f my connection dies on me again (we had a wind storm and the tower is out I think)

God doesn’t like divorce, he hates it. I don’t believe it’s okay even with infidelity; it is an option b/c we have hard hearts. If we truly repent he can heal our marriages. How do i know this? Because he has healed mine. I am not judging those who have been thru it, or who are looking at it. I don’t believe it is a biblical solution; it is worldly. I had previously listed the scriptures where it included the word divorce in it. If I can offer the advice to anyone who is going down that road is repent for your own part in it. Seek forgiveness, and swallow your pride; make amends the best you can. If you are staying together b/c of the kids or any other reason you feel is right… choose the right reason to stay together.. because it is a choice to stay married.

Anyhow, I have to stop now. I apologize for the mess of this post, but it’s as good as it’s going to get at the moment!

God Bless.

 

Marriage Mondays – My Most Memorable Valentine’s Day Ever

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis
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My Most Memorable Valentine’s Day Ever

We were just married four months. I was 19 and hubby was 22. He was/is my soul mate, and I was sure he knew every whimsical dream I had in my heart. After all how could he not know that I desired the absolutely best, most fantastic Valentine’s Day ever. It should be our most memorable since it was our first together as a married couple right?

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Well, I wasn’t wrong. It definitely was the most memorable one. Just not in the way I imagined. My sweetheart being the extremely romantic type came home carrying a… brand new toilet seat. He thought it was funny because our old one was broken and kept pinching us on the bottom every time we sat down. You’d think it would be pink at least or cushiony.. it was a plain white cheap plastic toilet seat.

Okay, I didn’t take this well. I cried. I’m sure I screamed. This was not what I imagined for my most memorable, more romantic, most cherished Valentine’s Day gift. I was fuming and he noticed. Sooo he promised to take me out for dessert and that the toilet seat was “just a joke”, and that was his plan all along. I didn’t believe him. I knew his crazy little mind – he could double duty a romantic gift with something we actually needed.. I KNEW everything in my 19 year old mind!!!!

Some joke! I don’t think it will ever be forgotten! Not because I’m angry, but because it was funny and it shows us how much we’ve grown and changed over the years. The expectations and challenges of marriage are so different from the “ideals” of that first year of marriage. The challenges from knowing everything to realizing how much we have to learn and how much we have to change. I was 19, and contrary to the popular belief in my head I really didn’t know everything.

Now, I know you’re thinking does he give better gifts now?? Well…. Hmmmm he is getting better… 13 years later… still a work in progress… do I care? No. I usually buy my own gifts most of the time. Do I love what he gives me? Yes. I’m starting to realize his idea of what he gives me is because he loves me and thinks it is important to me, or thinks I need it. Giving gifts is not his love language and that’s okay. I know he loves me. I know he tries to understand me. After all, he can’t read my mind and I’m afraid he never will be able to.

I hope you have an excellent valentine’s day and know that it’s okay to have some fun too! Fun can be sexy!

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Marriage Monday – “Three Things My Daughter Must Know About Her Marital Needs.”

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Well, seeing I have a while to wait on this — My girls are only 2 & 4 years old after all, but it’s something important to think about. I’m sure I’ll have more to expound on the subject in a few years.

I can remember when I first got married (13.5 years ago!); somewhat to my recent days of motherhood – there are so many things that people forget to tell you.. or rather don’t tell you that probably should be mentioned before you make the commitment of such significant events in your life. I mean the real truth.. the real issues that happen when we get married.

1. Marriage isn’t a marriage unless God is in it.

Two people can “get married” but it isn’t complete unless your marriage is given over to God and you follow His desires & plans for what marriage is suppose to be. It doesn’t work well any other way. Oh sure, some people have survived it — but they haven’t really lived it, enjoyed it, prospered from it.

Ge 2:24Show Context
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

2. No is not an option –Marriage is really hard work.

From someone who went down the bad side of marriage and lived.. Marriage is a commitment that is hard. You have to make it a set plan to stick to it. You and your spouse need to decide together that you are willing to work through ANYTHING and EVERYTHING… that whole line about through good and bad, till death do us part; you know that part I’m talking about… take it seriously… some places in the world don’t allow women to change their last names till they are married for over 3 years because divorce rates are so high.

3. I love you & I am sorry are 2 phrases you should say often.

We are not our partners Holy Spirit. I like to think I am, but the truth is, the Holy Spirit will convict our spouses in their own search as he convicts us of our down falls. We don’t need to nag it into them… thus saying I’m sorry and I love you are important words when we screw up. Say them like you mean it. I find most often we treat the people we love the most the worst and save our game face for strangers… how sad when we look down the road and see how horrible we’ve treated each other.

1Pe 1:22Show Context
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.

 

I could think of several more, but I need to stop now. (and after re-reading the title.. I think this specifically applies to “MARITAL needs lol”.. physical love combined with real love is a deadly combination.. it’s hard work and is harder to be broken the stronger the ties are!

 

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