Marriage Mondays – “Marriage: For Happiness or Holiness?”

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis

“Marriage: For Happiness or Holiness?”

I was trying to decide on how to start this. When I got married for the first time I married for happiness. I married my husband because I thought he would save me, take away all the trouble in my life, make me a better person, help me live a happier life.

When I re-married the SAME man for our 10 year anniversary (we had a little private get together with close friends). I did it for holiness. We choose to stay married and we wanted to show others that we were committed to God, and his desire of holiness in our marriage. I can say with confidence I love him more today because of it. He is more handsome, and more loving than I can remember, and I am thrilled to be his wife.

You see happiness is insatiable. We couldn’t thrive on trying to be happy. We almost ended in divorce the first 8 years of marriage because we could fill the happiness void in our life. We craved so many things that were not of God. It took a long time for us to realize that we were going down the wrong road… and yet God still showed us that we could live differently. The difference in our marriage now is God.. not that God has changed, but we’ve surrendered to having a holy marriage with God involved fully and actively in our marriage.

Now, some people might say… what do you mean; there is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. It took me a long time to understand the difference between happiness and being joyful.

Happiness – Good luck; good fortune; prosperity.

Joy – To rejoice; to be glad; to delight; to exult.

Okay, so the first thing I want to say is I don’t care about happiness anymore. It’s a worldly term in a lot of ways. We think “things” can make us happy. I want to be JOYFUL. I want my heart to rejoice and be glad and delight. I don’t want the emptiness of being happy as it is fleeting; it’s an unstable thing. It can be here for a moment (you got something — oh i’m happy!) as opposed to being joyful where it’s something within your heart. The terms are often switched, but they really are different things.

So, please don’t misunderstand; I don’t think happiness is a bad thing, – I like being happy! I just don’t want my marriage depending on one thing after another to satisfy my heart and needs.

Now onto holiness.

Holiness – The state or quality of being holy; perfect moral integrity or purity; freedom from sin; sanctity; innocence.

We need to keep our marriage holy before God. We need to keep it sacred before God. If we don’t, we will find it a struggle to say the least.

I thought about posting all the verses I could find that relate to marriage in the Bible, but honestly I believe if you read the Bible together and practice biblical living — together, you have a wonderful combination of a healthy and godly marriage!

If you look in the Bible, happy only appears 21 times, but joy appears 241, and even more so, holy appears 500 times. If God mentions holy so much, I’m guessing it’s a pretty important word, and something I need to learn more about.

Do I have it all figured out? No. I’m a work in progress.

Dear Lord,

You are the Creator of marriage. Your desire for us to have a holy and sacred marriage before is what I desire. Help me to remember this when I struggle with our life. I know you care for us. Thank-you for giving me my spouse.


(definitions from


15 responses to “Marriage Mondays – “Marriage: For Happiness or Holiness?”

  1. Kinda strange. I just read another blog post with the exact same title ! lol

  2. Oh Amy I agree! I’ll take joy over happiness any day. Bless you for sharing.

  3. Wow, this was just GREAT!

    What an awesome testimony you have.

    Loved this:

    If you look in the Bible, happy only appears 21 times, but joy appears 241, and even more so, holy appears 500 times. If God mentions holy so much, I’m guessing it’s a pretty important word, and something I need to learn more about.

    That sure got my attention! Thanks for sharing…


  4. That is a wonderful testimony! Great post!

  5. How beautiful that you renewed your vows after 10 years.

    I did research the word happy the other day, the etymology is it comes from the word ‘hap’ the same root as happenstance (luck). I think where happy is used in the Bible in all cases it is translated from the same root word as blessed, which has a different meaning to luck. But I totally agree with your point that happiness as the world views it is not something we should seek…we should seek joy more…and above that holiness…and above all else Christ.

    Lovely post, thank you.


  6. Amydeanne,

    but we’ve surrendered to having a holy marriage with God involved fully and actively in our marriage….. How I wish I had understood this early in my marriage….. Excellent post and excellent point to focus on the joy and not momentary happiness. Love you!

  7. What an awesome post, Amydeanne. I agree – joy and happiness are two totally different things.

    I love how you have mentioned that happiness is only 21 times in the Bible, but joy 10x more. Very cool statistic.

    Thank you so much for sharing your insight on marriage.

    Be blessed today and always.

  8. Beautiful. What more can I say?

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. This was my first visit to yours. Nice.

  9. These are some wonderful points! There are plenty of times when I’m not “happy” but I still have joy in my heart and that’s what tends to separate us from unbelievers, you know?

    Thank you for sharing this!

  10. Great post and I love your prayer at the end. I like the idea of the renewal of vows – that’s a special celebration.

  11. I had no idea you faced such serious marriage difficulties, Amydeanne. But thanks to the Lord, it sounds like you’re on the right path, now. I would love to see photos of BOTH your weddings! (How about for June’s Marriage Monday wedding post?)

    It’s certainly easy to confuse happiness and joy. I agree, knowing the difference,–especially in marriage–is absolutely key.

    Thanks for contributing to Marriage Monday, today. Your creative, teachable, loving spirit is a blessing to this group.

  12. What a great post. I love how you talked about the differences between joy vs. happiness. May the Lord richly bless you and your husband in all the years to come!

  13. What a testimony! Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

  14. Fantastic post. I loved it. I love reading about your testimony. I got married at 19, so I know exactly what you’re talking about. May 18 will be 12 years of holy matrimony.

  15. Thanks for your sharing! I too am a work in progress. Your insight is amazing. I’ll be checking your blog regularly:) God bless you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s