In Other Words

Wow. Where do I even begin with this quote. I struggle so much with this… the phrase “happy hearts” come to my mind. I so desire to have a happy home, but I struggle myself with a happy heart, so how do I teach my children to have one?

I know I pass on my “sins” to my children… when I was pregnant with my Miss H (pictured above); I was so stressed and paranoid because of 2 previous losses and that I thought; even though she was an answer to my prayer that it was God’s mean joke of revenge on me… absurd I know, but I wasn’t in the right mind frame at that point.. I thought he would let me go through it and if I happened to actually give birth, she would die before her first birthday… I was extremely neverous; had extreme post pardum depression and extreme worry and desperation for over this little baby.. it was not a happy place in my life… well… she came out… emergency c-section 2 weeks late; her heart was stopping and when she came out she had the meanest scowl on her face… it was like she was saying “what did you do that for????? I don’t want to come out! I liked it there!” and that was the start of it… my worries… her worries.. she is an extremely serious girl and everything is done with extreme passion; but especially the pain and the worry… the stuff a little girl should never have thought of or should be capable of; who has never even experience anything harmful (other than my anxiety during my pregnancy).. put it this way, she was standing at 4 months & walking around furniture; at 5 months she would scream at the top of her lungs “no no no” when she did something wrong and at 10 months she told her daddy “Stop bugging me daddy! Put me down!” and other phrases…

and so, I really struggle with setting the tone for my house. I need help on this DESPARATELY. My other children; I wasn’t stressed when I was pregnant with them; after Miss H came, I gave it all to God and let Him do best, as I know he would do it and take care of me regardless of the outcome. We lost one more between Miss H and Master P; which I’m saddened, but know it was God’s will. I was blessed with 3 beautiful babies and one more on the way…. I so long for a peaceful home and one full of godliness and joy; not fighting…

and so I ask … plead.. for instructions from women who have experienced motherhood at it’s finest and have survived. Share with me and all the other mom’s who struggle. It really frustrates me the ladies who seem to have it together and yet just “smile” nicely when I describe my struggles and don’t offer to help… yes, I’m asking for advice!
No. My children aren’t horrible. My children are children. They are funny in the best of times; silly more often than not.. they listen for the most.. but I struggle with teaching them how to experience God in our daily life as I don’t really know what that example is with children… I mean I know vaguely how to do it now; but I struggle as lack of sleep and sanity haven’t been with me the past 4 years… How do you set a happy tone for your home? How do you control your temper? what helps you?

okay, so enough rambling on here. I thank you if you’ve lasted this far. And would to hear what you have to say. and can’t wait to see what others wrote on this..



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